Arranged Marriage

In the article “Arranging a Marriage in India” the author Serena Nanda talks about arrange marriage. For her it is a shock to see such kind of marriage which she cannot imagine for herself. She learns that almost all marriages are arranged in India. Similarly, in my country Nepal arrange marriage is very common.
My parents had arrange marriage. According to the article the family members look for partners for their sons or daughters with same social status and class. My paternal grandmother had been looking for a bride for her son for some months. In this matter, relatives and their connections are very important. That is how my mother was found by my paternal grandmother. She came to know about her from a mutual friend of my maternal grandmother. Before the families met they considered the if both of them had same caste that is “Newar” and since they did they moved forward with the process. So the common friend introduced both of the families and they talked about it. They also had common religion that is “Buddhism” which made both the families even happier. Then my father and mother were told about it. My mother was just eighteen while my father was twenty five years old. My father along with parents and some friends went to my mother's home and they met there for the first time. Both of them agreed to marry each other and they were very soon engaged. And after few weeks they were wed. My mother and father told me that for them meeting for first time was very exciting and it them anxious at the same time. They laugh and smile whenever they tell me their story. They were happy to be married in that way and say that their parents couldn't have found them a better partner.
I asked my mother if she was afraid to get married to an unknown person to which she replied that she was but at the same time she was glad to have someone chosen for her by her parents. She trusted their judgment. She also told me the anticipation and mystery is the best part of arrange marriage. All these comments are similar to the points made by Indians in Nanda's articles. Though love marriages are also happening nowadays there are still people who believe in arranged marriages in my country.

Fattening Room and Bara Tayegu

The article “Where Fat is a Mark of Beauty” by Ann M. Simmons shows how a culture defines beauty. The Nigerian girls are supposed to be fat in order to look pretty while for us Nepalese girls we are supposed to be slim in order to look nice. When I was going to America my mother told me to maintain a healthy diet and to avoid fast food. She came here on Christmas and she was really upset when she saw me since I had gained weight. Whenever I used to eat she used to tell me to stop eating so much. This shows how my culture is different from Nigerian culture.

But there some similarities too that I found between these cultures. Like the tradition of “fattening room” where teenaged Margaret Bassey Ene has a mission to get fat by being secluded in a room where she just eats, sleeps and gets fat. According to my Newari custom, girls from age 8 to 13 before the onset of menstruation are confined in a room for 12 days. We call this ritual “Bara Tayegu” in Newari and “Gufa Rakhne” in Nepali. During these 12 days all we do is eat, play and dance inside the the room. We are not supposed see men and sun or daylight so they put the us in a dark room with no windows or covered windows. But unlike the Nigerian culture, female visitors are allowed to enter the room.

The Nigerian girls get body massages with chalk powder and heavy red palm oil to make them look attractive. Similarly, during “Gufa” I got my face, hands and legs massaged and scrubbed with “kwo” which is a mixture of gram flour, ground fenugreek seeds and hot mustard oil. This was supposed to exfoliate and nourish our skin and make us look fair and beautiful.

After the end of fattening room process the Nigerian girls are supposed to get married. Similarly, on the 12^th day the Newari girls are dressed up with traditional clothes and they put on make-up. Then they are brought out from the room. A priest performs some rituals and says prayer which may last an hour then we are married to the sun. It is a happy occasion and just like the Nigerian culture the relatives gather and bring gifts. In the end we have big celebration with dance, music and feast.